Here I am after almost three months since my last post. So many things changed. Everything is so different. Well, I want to share some things that happened; but not here. I created this new blog that I call SNOWFALL WOLF to register this new phase of my life. I had to leave behind that old of mine, so this blog is left too. This is the last post and it ends in a decisive point I live. From now on I'm gonna write only there. TOM SAMUEL
Today I went back working. I've been striving to feel like I belong there. Another lie. I endure that place because I need to. I cheat my senses to believe I can handle it; driving my mind into oblivion. My body becomes present, but my thoughts are dead. I'm walking dead.. DEAD ..I'm not dead! I'm NOT what they said".. It's not the first day of fight that will make me cry. I look at the labyrinth of knots on which I tied myself. All streams from sin. I wonder how attached I am. My heavy heart is broken; my soul drowned in sorrows. It has no longer the strength of beating by itself; even my breathing is the Lord's breath. He is the only light that keeps me alive, otherwise I'd already have sunk in darkness, deceased in the desert sands. I'm tired and weak; hanging by a thread. And the pain inside of me awakes. I hear the sound of grieving. That's me sad within. Praying in this world of misery.
Kyle Thompsonis a young photographer very talented. He takes self-portraits, using surreal effects and styles to create very cool photos. Inspired by music, art and his environment, discover some of his pics in the article.
I shaved my hair. People do not know why I cut my long hair. They don't understand. It's a time for grieve. When I bow my head down at my Lord's feet. Time for crying. In time to regret my sins and put my mouth in the dust. Time of suffering. In time to repent of my wrong turns. It's too easy to surrender again. Throw everything up and give in. But I'm not giving up. Well, I've cheated my eyes the enough to know. It's nothing but a lie. Still these desires are there deep in my heart. I wonder how cruel the next days will be. Such difficulty ahead. For a while I'm here. Hidden in the dark. The room is cold and the anger in my heart begins to spread. All those questions in my head. Hunger and thirst. It kills me. It seems that everything is made to drive me into madness and death. Except God, there's no reason to live for. This body is already dead; weak and naked. Nevertheless, even in death of flesh my spirit will go on. It's alive and restless until it reaches the heavens. Eternal Life is awaiting me. Fields of piece shining with grace. And no more despair. So I stand my ground holding onto my faith. Because I know Who leads me through the Valley of Tears. And I know that not even my steps will be reminded on the desert sand. For all of my fears shall pass away, saved in His arms. Therefore, there will no longer humiliation. That's the way I resist the evil. Because I already see myself as a Winner. I can see myself delighting in victory. And my eyes do not look at the suffering cause my thoughts are concentrated on heights.
I need your pardon, Lord. Because without you I'm lost. I have conscience of what I've done, and why this things came to happen. It's all consequence of sin; my own actions. And I receive all them as punishment for my mistake. I know I got You. I know I can call for You whenever I need. Nevertheless I've disappointed You. I'm weak and broken. Please, come undone what I've done. Come pick me up, because I'm gonna face a war but I'm already fallen. I need the strength to go on. Be my sword and my shield. Thou said You love me, even when I was found right on the wrong side of it all. I believe in You. I trust that You are there watching over me. I don't wanna fail myself anymore. I wanna be the soldier to fight the good fight. Thou made me small to be grandeur in me; weak to be my strength. My heart is open for You, my Lord. May dwell the Holy Spirit in me again. I only ask You the grace to mend the things I made. I wanna pass through this valley with all the certain that I'm not alone, for Thou art with me. My soul are delivered to You. And only for You I shall live. 'Cause I'm Yours. Amen.
I feel sick. I feel thin, like I'm about to break. Hanging by a fine line between yes and no. It's too easy to surrender. It doesn't seem so wrong, but it weakens me. Because, that is my shame, my sin. I can't go on this way. Such a blunder always ends badly. This need I reel in like a time bomb ready to explode; And I hold the switch that activates it. What is worse is that I've done it. After the consuming flames only ashes remains. Vastness of doom. A land of despair and ruin. Fear and solitude. It is the evil within that stains my honor. The slavery keeping me from kneeling. I feel dirty. Unworthy. Be this feeling always in mind that I shall remember it well in order to repel such a disgusting thing. A destroyed nation cannot go to war, nor its enemy is concerned to bring it down for it's already fallen. It's confined to DEATH. I won't let this build up inside of me anymore. I'm the only one who may fail myself. Regardless of how strong these chains of lust come tempt me.
.jpg)
